The Best and The Wildest of Redneck Brawl 8: Highlights and results

Any precise Christmas presents or celebrations can solely disappoint now, as the vacation season hit its absolute peak with a rambunctious and ribald showcase on Redneck Brawl 8: Rednecks Get Wild. Breasts had been flashed, mats had been twerked, drunk idiots beat the hell out of one another within the crowd, and 52 (presumably) not-drunk warriors fought 26 in-ring fights to present us probably the most action-packed top-to-bottom occasion of the collection.

We misplaced our scheduled fundamental occasion, however the deliberate co-feature between USA Saiyan and Seckond Chaynce didn’t disappoint as a substitute, delivering excellent back-and-forth motion with a stage of ability above and past the same old Redneck Brawl matchup.

Each males had an argument, however Seckond Chaynce fought a extra tightly guarded, defensively disciplined type, which made sense given his Muay Thai background. As a substitute, it was the aggressive, agile assault of USA Saiyan that received over the judges and the group. Solely Saiyan will get the $500 winner’s purse, however each males will probably be a welcome sight ought to they return for future Brawls.

Within the de facto co-feature, Tennessee Cornbread got here again from a punishing begin that noticed him bulldozed across the ring by 400+ lbs. Massive Daddy T and violently ensnared within the ropes. Cornbread rallied to take a 1st spherical that began very poorly for him, forcing a standing eight depend earlier than the bell. Then he punished Massive Daddy T within the 2nd, pushing Massive Daddy T to spit the mouthpiece to purchase time, and struggling some extent deduction for the try.

Cornbread pressured one other mouthpiece malfunction within the third, main the referee to wave off the battle and provides Cornbread the TKO victory over a recreation however exhausted Massive Daddy T. The victory units up a possible fireworks present between Tennessee Cornbread and Redneck Brawl boogeyman Georgia Outlaw.

Greatest Redemption Story:

Taylor from the Trailer entered tonight’s Brawl on an terrible reverse-Undertaker streak, having gone 0-4 in earlier Redneck Brawl appearances. He’s misplaced robust choices, he’s gotten obliterated in 1st spherical knockouts, however he’s by no means received a single battle on the present.

Till tonight.

Taylor got here out exhausting — Possibly too exhausting, as he earned a warning for shoving his opponent into the nook and punching him behind the neck. However, that tenacity might have demoralized tonight’s foe, a self-proclaimed moonshiner and federal convict who as soon as pled responsible to prices of constructing terroristic threats to bomb a faculty. It was Taylor that delivered the bombs tonight, although, as his opponent resigned from the battle between rounds and handed Taylor a candy TKO victory.

Greatest new addition:

It’s all the time dangerous including a brand new character to a profitable present. There are a variety of Scrappy Doo and Cousin Oliver disasters that show the purpose, and only a few optimistic examples on the opposite facet of the ledger.

So, I’ll admit that I used to be skeptical when Redneck Brawl determined so as to add a brand new man on the mic in comic Billy Hubbard. However, Hubbard did high quality work, taking a secondary function, including to the present with out stepping on something that labored earlier than his arrival, and bringing new humor to the presentation in a manner that didn’t copy the legacy commentators but in addition didn’t deviate from the comfy tone and elegance that outline the Brawls.

You may’t simply take any random man who thinks he’s obtained jokes and throw him on the microphone to optimistic outcomes. We obtained a number of examples of that through the night time as visitor commentators stepped in for hosts who briefly left the printed desk. However, Hubbard introduced a enjoyable special approach to the present, and he’ll be a welcome sight if he returns sooner or later.

Greatest Cincinnati Second:

Redneck Brawls in Cincy are a hotbed for fights within the crowd. Brawl #5 had at the very least 4 altercations that led to police involvement and ejections, one among which concerned a man who wound up preventing on the cardboard tonight as “Albino Gorilla.” Tonight’s encores solely solidified a fame for entertaining spectator violence every time Redneck Brawl visits Ohio’s third most interesting non-Whirlyball metropolis.

The very best was an absolute melee that resulted in a knockout punch, a shirt torn off, and what regarded like a police officer catching a stray shot or two. By no means change, Cincinnati… Dayton can’t do what you do.

Most Romantic Second:

Redneck Brawl isn’t nearly preventing… It’s about household. It’s about bringing individuals collectively. And, in the end, it’s about love.

Tonight, a man named Carl(?) took a knee in a puddle of sweat and spit, and requested a beautiful lady to spend the remainder of her life with him. And she or he mentioned sure!

Sometime, these lovely individuals will hear their children ask: “Mommy, how did Daddy suggest?” And Mommy will say: “He placed on a sequined purple coat and pulled me into the ring of a novelty boxing occasion beneath false pretenses. Then, between the Meth Mountain Maniac resolution victory and the Johnny 2 Arduous 1st spherical KO, the group briefly stopped preventing amongst themselves lengthy sufficient for him to ask if I’d be his spouse.”

It’s a fairy story story, and anybody in the home that wasn’t too drunk to recollect seeing it can always remember bearing witness to a union of real love. Once I requested my spouse afterwards if she regrets we couldn’t have accomplished it first, as a result of we had been married years earlier than Redneck Brawl grew to become a factor? She mentioned that if she’d recognized again then I’d ever develop into the kind of person who watched a Redneck Brawl, we in all probability wouldn’t have had one other date. She mentioned that each time I cowl one among these reveals, she sits in our bed room with the door closed, watching something that may drown out the noise and questioning all of the life decisions that led her up to now.

However, even my cold-hearted, Redneck Brawl-hating spouse isn’t the least romantic individual concerned on this story…

Least Romantic Second:

Offered with out additional commentary: These guys presumably paid precise, spendable American {dollars} to have this vinyl signal printed… after which waved it round throughout a battle between two males. You received’t see any girls amongst them, and I strongly doubt any had been enticed over by their lusty signage.

Greatest Dressed (Half 1):

Wild Woody was not one for the same old sweatpants, cargo shorts, and diverse informal sub-equatorial coverings. The person confirmed up in precise boxing trunks together with his nickname printed on the waistband!

He was dressed for achievement… However didn’t succeed, shedding a call to Meth Mountain Maniac, additionally seen above in Daisy Dukes. At the least Wild Woody regarded good!

Phrase Dressed (Half 1):

Meth Mountain Maniac wasn’t the one man to bust out the John Stockton-length cutoff blue jean shorts. Actual Ragnar additionally wore a pair whereas preventing his solution to a fast knockout victory over Jake Oblivion.

Gents… Go away the high-cut jean shorts to the Catherine Bachs of the world. You’ll have received your fights, however you misplaced the style struggle.

Greatest Dressed (Half 2):

The early phases of the cardboard gave us an absolute slobber-knocker between a monstrous power of violence in FABU and her granite-chinned opponent Tahoe. FABU, a self-proclaimed “proud 6’1” and 290 lbs.,” made the wildly unorthodox option to battle in torn fishnets and suspenders. Not something I’ve ever seen earlier than, however damned if she didn’t make it work for her. It was a daring style transfer that paid off.

Worst Dressed (Half 2):

We’ve got seen on a number of events that even an incredible Redneck Brawler can get derailed by the mistaken alternative of footwear. So, when Bluegrass Badazz got here out to battle in slide-on mushy cloth sneakers, it appeared like defeat was inevitable. And, so it was, as he misplaced a call to Bridgetown Bruiser that may have swung the opposite manner if Badazz might have planted his toes or pushed off with extra power behind his punches.

Future Redneck Brawlers: You completely should not attempt to battle within the male equal of ballerina flats. You’re going to have an terrible time in the event you do.

Greatest Gross sales Pitch for Redneck Brawl 9:

Nation Boot Gang, a 6’9” 145 lbs. fan favourite/popsicle stick doll who efficiently wished to develop into an actual boy, atomized his opponent in 5 seconds across the halfway level of the present.

Later, even greater fan favourite and former fundamental eventer Lil Smokey, described by visitor commentary as “[a] dude [who] can battle, however he’s a couple of chromosomes quick,” and “the canine all people’s abused that simply desires to chew all people,” notched a 2nd spherical TKO to earn what our hosts recognized as his fifth straight Redneck Brawl victory.

Afterwards, Lil Smokey took the mic to crow about his triumph, and name out his desired subsequent opponent: Nation Boot Gang. The 2 met within the ring and fired more and more heated barbs forwards and backwards as the primary stage of an inevitable showdown, presumably on the subsequent present in February or March.

Can Lil Smokey, all 116 lbs. of him, discover any stage of success in opposition to a person a foot taller, at the very least 30 kilos heavier, who as soon as performed heart for a junior school basketball crew? I do not know. However, I can’t wait to see him strive, and I’m completely sure that these two will make the preamble to Redneck Brawl 9 a hilarious and thrilling experience.

This was in all probability the most effective Redneck Brawl but when it comes to in-ring motion… However, very like professional wrestling, half or extra of the enjoyable is within the buildup. With no showcase fundamental occasion like Catfish Cooley vs Playboy or Lil Smokey vs Macho Man to hold the promotion on, one thing important simply wasn’t fairly there this time round.

Now, with these two seemingly earmarked for a fundamental occasion showdown? We had been off to an incredible begin earlier than tonight’s present was even over. As Lil Smokey would say: “LET’S F—KIN’ GOOOOOO!”

Till subsequent time, be sure you make amends for our dwell protection for all of the wild and loopy motion that couldn’t match into this recap.

Right here’s your full rundown of tonight’s outcomes, with winners listed in daring, and all victories by resolution until in any other case specified:

Quentin “Trailer Park Brawler” Conley vs Dayton “Candy the Freak” Candy
Jacob “Indiana Lumberjack” Barkley vs Darien “Bauer Energy” Bauer

Kierra “Tahoe” Miller vs Brooke “FABU” Tackette

Matt “Ohio Grizzly” Sipe vs Jessie “Offended Mechanic” Foster (KO-2)

Jake “Horny Nation” Ambrose (TKO-3) vs Connor “Albino Gorilla” Jones

Troy “Bridgetown Bruiser” Scholl vs Tyler “Bluegrass Badazz” Wolford
Justin “King of Horror” Jones vs Jacob “Lil Hearth” Campbell

Charley “The Maniac” Holt vs Dalton “Texas Purple” Lucien
Sierra “Hollywood Knuckles” Boone vs Denim “Buckshot” Burke (TKO-1)

Logan “Wild Woody” Woody vs Joby “Meth Mountain Maniac” Giles

John “Johnny 2 Arduous” Arduous (KO-1) vs Rodney “Gallo Blanko” Harrington
Stephen “Scuba Steve” Hoffman vs Stephen “Nation Boot Gang” Sings (KO-1)

Ricky “Infamous Fairly Ricky” Fooce vs Kieran “Texas McNasty” Goodnight

Austin “Drummer Kelz” Kelly (KO-2) vs Steve “Took Fast” Sayers

Andrew “Actual Ragnar” Cranston (KO-1) vs Austin “Jake Oblivion” Blankenship

Lucas “Cincinnati Crawdaddy” Claymon vs Mike “Indiana Donkey Punch” Disbro
William “Kreek Chub” McCalister vs Taylor “Taylor from the Trailer” Mounts (TKO-3)

Tiffany “Conspiracy Smokeshow” Baxter vs Tristina “Straight Ache” Baril
Jake “Jake the Snake” Combs vs Dakota “Kentucky Playboy” Noble

Brandon “Hoodbilly” Gibbs vs Jayson “The Skunk” Schunk (TKO-2)
Dylon “D-Nasty” Scott vs Kohl “White Lightning” Witter (TKO-2)

Tyler “Playboy” Holmes vs Austin “The Irishman” Carey (KO-2)

Ethan “Massive Tobacco” Wendel vs Jimmy “Lil Smokey” Campbell (TKO-2)

Bryanna “Nattyville Bratt” Pinson vs Cheyenne “Sheen Inexperienced” Inexperienced

Anthony “Tennessee Cornbread” Jones (TKO-3) vs Tyler “Massive Daddy T” Campbell
Trevor “Seckond Chaynce” Thomas vs Brendan “USA Saiyan” Kelly