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Out Of The Bag – Bike Snob NYC

May 17, 2025
in Cycling
Reading Time: 14 mins read
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So what was up with all these irate mountain bikers within the feedback the opposite day?

After 18 years of motorcycle bloggery I can say you actually solely see that type of collective outrage from the mountain bike bros. (Although I do suppose there was one time I made enjoyable of vehicular cyclists and a bunch of indignant helmet mirror sorts took a break from practising their hand indicators and confirmed up right here to precise their outrage.) In the meantime, roadies are alleged to be uptight, but after I ridicule their penchant for flesh-colored PNS jerseys I don’t see them rounding up a posse on over on Weight Weenies and leaving a bunch of aggrieved commentary:

No surprise no person likes mountain bikers, they are surely the worst. Appears to me they might stand to regulate the damping on their humorousness.

[“YOU OBVIOUSLY DON’T KNOW HOW SUSPENSION WORKS!” — A Mountain Biker]

And sure, I advised the AI to generate a picture of an “indignant mountain biker brandishing a suspension fork” and as an alternative I acquired this orthodontist’s moist dream with two rows of enamel like a shark.

Transferring on, as we speak is Bike To Work Day in New York, however I acquired began a day early yesterday, and it was the form of climate that makes everybody’s disc brakes sound like a fog horn blast:

I don’t know how folks put up with these silly issues.

[“YOU OBVIOUSLY HATE DISC BRAKES CAUSE YOU RIDE TOO SLOW TO NEED THEM!” — A Mountain Biker]

It did a bit of higher with “Offended Mountain Biker Brandishing A Disc Brake Rotor” however it nonetheless gave him a bizarre additional row of gums.

As for me, between my fenders and my rim brakes I used to be smugness personified:

Although I may have finished with out all of the Hudson River Greenway detours:

Luckily, the one above solely required me to carry out a short flanking maneuver across the tennis court docket. After which there’s the everlasting detour round 79th road that sends you up a hill:

This one’s principally a bunch punishment for cyclists as a result of a few of them are too thoughtless to yield to pedestrians–AHEM I’m taking a look at you doofuses within the PNS jerseys:

[An inconsiderate roadie in search of his PNS mechanism gives himself the reach-around.]

And no, extremely that’s not AI, that’s the true deal.

Anyway, I took my penance with out complaining and continued downtown…

Into Brooklyn…

…and clearly I ought to have taken that black Corvette with the smashed windshield as as a portent for whereas my bicycle was parked some brigand emptied my saddle bag:

Was it silly to go away a loaded saddlebag on my bike within the first place? Completely. Nevertheless I admit I’ve turn into complacent, and after awhile eradicating a bunch of stuff of comparatively little financial worth (an almost 30 year-old mini pump, an interior tube, an previous multi-tool I discovered on the roadway in Central Park…) hardly appeared well worth the effort. However apparently some full loser thought it was well worth the effort to pilfer them, and I hope at the least one of many gadgets by some means turns into inextricably lodged in his anus resulting in his gradual loss of life by fecal impaction.

However the saddlebag theft just isn’t all dangerous. For one factor, it offers the indignant mountain bikers a chance to chortle at my expense. (Simply kidding, they’re incapable of laughing–at the least not with out full suspension and an e-assist.) And for an additional, I shed a couple of grams from the bike for the journey house–although not sufficient to maintain up with the roadies within the park:

I counted three t-shirts however just one PNS jersey. What’s incorrect with these roadies as we speak?

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