Our tradition loves giving out frivolous awards: Oscars, Grammys, Nobels…
[“We’re all sooo impressed, Einstein.”]
…however no accolade is as pointless as Folks For Bikes’s “Finest Metropolis” rankings, and apparently this 12 months America’s “Finest Giant Metropolis for Biking” is…
Brooklyn?!?
Setting apart how a lot bother America is in if Brooklyn represents the perfect bicycling now we have to supply, there’s additionally the much more troubling indisputable fact that BROOKLYN IS NOT A CITY. Sure, it’s true, it was as soon as its personal metropolis, again in 1998, and it’s even true that once you had been a child you in all probability had a crotchety uncle who nonetheless considered it that manner, and who referred to as Manhattan “New York.” However now it’s 2025, it’s not a metropolis, even when it does have a basketball crew, and subsequently that is all a load of crap:
PeopleForBikes’ 2025 Metropolis Rankings rank the bikeability of almost 3,000 cities throughout the U.S. and around the globe. For the primary time, this 12 months’s rankings divide New York Metropolis into its 5 boroughs, recognizing the local-level work being accomplished to enhance bicycling. Three boroughs landed within the prime 10 finest giant U.S. cities for biking for 2025: Manhattan took the #10 spot with a rating of 51 (out of a doable 100), Queens got here in at #4 with a rating of 63, and Brooklyn took this 12 months’s #1 spot with a rating of 73, narrowly surpassing final 12 months’s top-scoring giant metropolis, Minneapolis.
What he hell sort of gerrymandering is that this? You don’t get to carve a metropolis up into 5 separate cities simply since you really feel prefer it. Additionally, two of the “cities” (Staten Island and the Bronx) aren’t even talked about right here, presumably as a result of they’re not adequate. But the identical goddamn Division of Transportation is chargeable for all of those locations! Shouldn’t this mirror badly on them, and town as a complete, together with these hoity-toity Brooklynites? Let’s say my home is a cease on the native backyard tour. I’ve acquired 5 flower beds. One is sweet, two are sort of okay, and two are simply patches of grime and dried dogshit. Do I deserve a ribbon for being the perfect gardener on the town? After all I don’t! That award ought to rightfully go to my neighbor who diligently cultivates his total backyard, the smug bastard.
But as a substitute we’re appearing like watering solely one in all your flower beds is an effective factor:
So how did Brooklyn develop into the perfect giant U.S. metropolis for biking? A powerful community of secure and linked locations to trip. New York Metropolis as a complete is residence to 1,550 miles of motorcycle lanes, bike paths, and neighborhood greenways, making it North America’s largest bicycle community. Brooklyn particularly has extra miles of motorcycle lanes than some other borough.
Right here’s that lazy gardener, by the way in which, phoning it in on the 5 Boro Bike Tour:
To be honest, Brooklyn does have a couple of issues going for it that the opposite boroughs don’t. For instance, there’s that 25mph pace restrict:
Along with a powerful community of devoted bike infrastructure, Brooklyn’s borough-wide residential pace restrict of simply 25 mph additionally makes its streets low-stress and secure for bicyclists in response to PeopleForBikes’ Bicycle Community Evaluation, the data-driven program behind Metropolis Rankings.
Wait a minute. THAT’S THE SPEED LIMIT EVERYWHERE IN THE CITY, together with right here within the Bronx. But we’re not even a wildcard:
Hey, we’ve acquired bike lanes too! It’s simply that they’re principally used for laundry automobiles:
That will not impress Folks for Bikes, however I guess it could get the Worldwide Detailing Affiliation’s consideration:
I don’t know if they’ve “Finest Detailing Metropolis” rankings, however we’re a shoo-in to win the picture contest:
All I’m saying is {that a} metropolis is sort of a bike lock, and it’s solely as sturdy as its weakest hyperlink. It’s not like a crew time trial within the Tour de France, the place you get to drop a couple of guys as a result of they base your ending time on the fifth rider to cross the road.
Possibly the Harlem River Greenway challenge will assist push us up within the rankings subsequent 12 months:
That’s gonna make a helluva automobile wash.
