Previous to the appearance of the e-bike, the machine you have been most definitely to should dodge on the sidewalk was the venerable GMC Denali, arguably the Colnago C-40 of Walmart Bikes:
[Bicycling Editors’ Choice Award Winner for “Best Can Collector’s Bike”]
Properly, I’m afraid the Denali is not any extra, as resulting from a current Govt Order they are going to heretofore be rebranded as McKinleys:

Although maybe if you happen to attain out to GMC they’ll ship you a complimentary William McKinley sticker package and you may rebrand it your self:

By the best way, if you happen to’re bothered by Mount McKinley or the Gulf of America, I ought to remind you that the exact same former bicycle stage race promoter is the explanation a sure island in Jamaica Bay now not has an offensive identify:

And no, I’m not referring to “Grass Hassack,” although it does sound like a crotchal situation.
Anyway, now that you just’ve all acquired grass up your hassacks as a result of I discussed The Tradition Wars, I’d like to deal with the Roadini:

It positive is a head-turner. Simply ask the deer:

See?

The final time I rode the Roadini this occurred:

And shortly earlier than that, this occurred:

I’m typically not the superstitious kind, however when the universe is so clearly making an attempt to inform you one thing you must pay attention, and on this case what it was making an attempt to inform me was to BUY SOME NEW GODDAMN TIRES YOU CHEAPSKATE, which I lastly did:

On reflection it was folly to place collectively a brand new bike solely to scavenge round in my tire pile for appropriate rubber, and my solely remorse thus far will not be having gotten these sooner:

They went on my NON-TUBELESS rims very simply, they’re completely straight, they roll easily and quietly, and the width is good for the bike:

After all, sturdiness and puncture resistance stay to be seen, however I actually hope they possess each attributes, as a result of whereas I’ve cherished the Roadini from the start, with these tires it’s nothing lower than a dreamboat, and it’s like Captain Stubing has charted a course on to my coronary heart:

And like Tattoo, or Jan Heine, I needed to shout about planing from the rooftops:

Oh wait, these have been totally different reveals, weren’t they?
No matter.
The purpose is the Roadini might now have achieved “ascended grasp” standing–like, it might simply depart this dimension altogether if it needed, but it stays right here merely to show the remainder of us.
By the best way, the Roadini does have a head badge, and this morning I observed this story, which I solely skimmed earlier than the paywall slammed shut:

Nevertheless, at first blush its premise seems flawed. Have been there ever actually head badges on race bikes? My 43 year-old Cervino doesn’t have a head badge, nor does my Faggin, which isn’t a lot youthful. Eddy Merckx’s bike didn’t have a head badge, it simply had an image of himself on it:

Even the 1950 Drysdale Particular I borrowed from Basic Cycle again in 2018 didn’t have a head badge:

If something I feel it’s troublesome to discover a race bike with a head badge:

[Classic Cycle]
Additionally, I’m all in favor of lamenting the lack of stuff from the previous, however why isn’t Escape Collective asking the place all these items went?
32-spoke wheels
36-spoke wheels
Cup-and-cone bearing hubs
Metallic frames
Metallic componets
Mechanical drivetrains
Rim brakes
Downtube shifters
Friction shifters
Built-in shifters that don’t require batteries
Aluminum rims
Rims with hooks
Non-integrated headsets
Non-integrated stems
Non-proprietary seatposts
Fast launch skewers
Body pumps
And that’s only for starters.
Actually, the pinnacle badge is the one factor that actually doesn’t look like too large of a loss.