It’s a great factor that Australia is all the best way on the opposite aspect of the planet as a result of my worst nightmare is by some means getting blended up within the World Bare Bike Experience:
The World Bare Bike Experience combines the 2 issues I consider folks shouldn’t flaunt publicly: their exuberance, and their genitals. Positive, there’s a time and a spot for each, however I shouldn’t need to take care of both of them on my option to work. Nonetheless, some folks really feel fairly otherwise, and so they relish being surrounded by a bunch fellow riders whose ass cheeks are indistinguishable from their saddlebags:
The concept of World Bare Bike Experience members making an attempt vigorously and vainly to wipe issues off of one another’s faces and different physique elements is now going to hang-out my goals.
After all, that is Australia, so whereas the members gained’t be sporting garments, they are going to be sporting helmets:
It appears to me if you happen to actually needed to make a degree about liberating cyclists from the tyranny of fossil fuels and the motorcar industrial advanced you’d have a World Helmetless Bike Experience. It doesn’t even make sense from a security perspective, as a result of if you happen to’re going to fall off your bike, which might you somewhat be sporting: a helmet, or pants? “Positive, I’ve acquired a saddle sore the dimensions of a cantaloupe on my scranus and street rash alongside all the size of my penis, however thank goodness I used to be sporting a helmet!” However I suppose folks in Australia are so deeply conditioned that they’ll journey round bare and in helmets with out experiencing any cognitive dissonance.
And talking of saddle sores, why drag the poor harmless bicycle into this disgusting mess, anyway? Wouldn’t the best car for driving bare be an e-scooter?
I’m not an enormous fan of them myself, however objectively talking there’s actually no higher contraption for bare driving, because you get most visibility and minimal crotchal chafing, to not point out glorious airflow round and thru your undercarriage.
However after all the World Bare Bike Experience isn’t about sensible concerns, it’s about “desexualizing the human physique:”
Hey, how’s that understanding for you, Australia?
And don’t neglect crucial consideration in any respect–the local weather!
The conspiracy must be apparent to anybody who’s learn the newest Trek Sustainability Report:
Do you know they’re portray their bikes with natural supplies now?
Their brand is even created from “biomass waste:”
Right here’s what biomass waste means:
World Bare Bike Experience? Physique paint? Paint created from biomass waste?!?
ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION NOW???
That’s proper, inside 5 years the biking business goes to dispose of clothes altogether. As a substitute, you’ll journey bare, and so they’ll promote you a can of manure and sewage sludge to color your self with earlier than the large journey. Possibly it’ll even include a complete banana peel you should use as a chamois.
However let’s not lose sight of the truth that the largest supply of Trek’s emissions isn’t the paint, or the clothes, and even the helmets. It’s the bicycles themselves:
Appears fairly clear to me that Trek ought to cease making bikes.
