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Gravel? That’s Not Nice! – Bike Snob NYC

February 27, 2025
in Cycling
Reading Time: 22 mins read
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We’ve got a winner!*

*[If you’re the winner feel free email me, maybe we can find you…something.]

That’s proper, additional to yesterday’s publish, the reply is that I swapped the cassettes, however I did not swap the lockrings:

As you possibly can see, the lockring for the 12-tooth cassette is greater than the one for the 11-tooth, so after I put it on the 11-tooth cassette it didn’t enable the chain to totally interact the cog:

See, that’s what occurs if you rush issues. If I have been a professional biking crew mechanic I’d have simply price my sprinter the race:

If he have been carrying a microphone, you’d hear him shouting, “HEY YOU SON-OF-A-BEETCH, YOU RUEEN DA BIKE, MARIO NO CAN A-USE-A HEES ELEVEN!!!”

So in case you study something from me, it needs to be to take your time when doing bike upkeep. Hey, it’s not a lot, nevertheless it’s all of the knowledge I’ve bought to impart. For the true necessary stuff, like how you can enhance your biking cadence, you’ll must seek the advice of the consultants:

Sadly, I’m not presently a Bicycling member:

Although sadly for them they tipped their hand and all the things it’s essential know is in entrance of the paywall:

See that? All it’s essential do to spice up your cadence is get a motorcycle match, shorter cranks, an indoor coach, a pc and cadence sensor, a bigger cassette, smaller chainrings, a gravel drivetrain, and a triple.

Although I discover they did pass over “downshift.”

Foolish me, there I used to be pondering all it’s essential do to spice up your cadence is pedal sooner.

So why are cyclists so obsessive about cadence anyway? I’ve been driving for many years and I’ve but to determine the explanation, although I do keep in mind after I bought my first biking pc with a cadence sensor. So high-tech! Wow, a complete new quantity on the display and all the things! Sadly, not like velocity or mileage, that are cool and attention-grabbing issues to know, I had no thought in any respect to make of this new info. Certain, I now knew precisely what number of occasions I used to be turning the cranks per minute, however was I turning it too many occasions or too few occasions? It was all tremendously thrilling, and but like a novice gamecock coach, I had no context:

Then there was Lance Armstrong. It turned out he and all his opponents have been mainlining EPO and blood luggage by the gallon, however again then the “consultants” claimed that the key to Armstrong’s success was biking genius Chris Carmichael’s sensible high-cadence method:

Pedal bike sooner =win race? WHO’DA THUNK IT??? Man, for awhile there, Chris Carmichael had it made. All he needed to do was experience round making up shit about bricks. He was even into singlespeeds and fixies earlier than it was cool:

See?

Certain. And typing with one hand for 4 hours is equal to typing with each palms for eight hours. That’s why you you should use one hand on the workplace after which inform your boss you’re going house at lunch. (At the very least till DOGE will get smart to it.)

And but right here we’re in 2025 and I nonetheless don’t know why the hell I ought to care what my cadence is. Doesn’t it simply come naturally? However I suppose no person would learn an article referred to as, “PEDAL WHATEVER FUCKING SPEED YOU FEEL LIKE AND STOP BOTHERING ME.” So as a substitute we get “Six Surefire Methods To Supercharge The Shit Out Of Your Cadence,” and YouTube movies with rhetorical query titles and folks with dumb puzzled expressions–although normally you don’t have to look at them to seek out the reply:

It’s not, it sucks.

Sure, you’re all going to die.

Sure, however they’ll solely be used with gravel footwear, and gravel socks, and ridden on gravel, or else you’re all going to die.

Talking of gravel, the UCI Gravel World Championships in Good has been cancelled:

They’re now searching for a brand new venue:

And clearly they need to look no additional than Cleveland:

There’s gotta be some gravel round there someplace.

As for the gravel in Good, I wished to study extra about it and located this:

I then clicked on the #whatisgravel search hyperlink:

And located this:

Apparently gravel is now fully ineffable, although the message was accompanied by this picture:

I suppose he’s gravel personified, although he’s standing on a floor fabricated from processed gravel.

However perhaps essentially the most annoying factor about gravel is the punctuation–sorry the PNCTN. See, the gravel fashion guide requires all phrases to be rendered in all-caps with no vowels. Nevertheless, apparently Open, the corporate with maybe essentially the most irritating mannequin naming conventions in all of biking (and that’s coming from somebody who rides a motorcycle referred to as a Platypus) has been granted an exception and is allowed to make use of vowels simply so long as they embody a bunch of gratuitous durations:

So 4 durations…however you’ve bought to offer the clear coat your self:

They’re not even making an attempt anymore.

Like this:

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Tags: BikeGravelNiceNYCSnob
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