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Be Steel My Heart – Bike Snob NYC

November 30, 2024
in Cycling
Reading Time: 20 mins read
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As I discussed lately, there’s a notion within the biking world {that a} bike is an immediate basic just because it’s made out of metal, and now right here comes Colnago taking this concept to the acute with a 3D-printed magnetic bicycle:

I’ve learn the specs three or 4 instances now, and nonetheless the one factor I perceive is that it prices 17,500 European Enjoyable Tickets:

Not that I’m indignant or something. Colnago have at all times made lavish and unique idea and restricted version bikes:

[Photo from here.]

Although it’s ironic that the fashion of Ernesto Colnago’s bikes has at all times been knowledgeable by velocity and an unerring sense of cool, whereas his personal private fashion owes just about the whole lot to Earl Camembert:

Additionally, to their credit score, Colnago does preserve their heritage alive by persevering with to supply the Grasp–which for a metal bike was additionally fairly edgy when it was new what with its star-shaped tube profiles and stuff:

I’ve by no means ridden a metal Colnago, although I’ve ridden a titanium one:

It was the Bititan, famend for its split-crotch downtube:

As Colnago tells it, the thought behind the Bititan’s downtube was that it concurrently stiffened the bike whereas preserving the load down. It’s exhausting to think about any kind of downtube permitting for any noticeable quantity of flex, although I do recall the bike feeling fairly stiff, so who is aware of? What I can say for positive is that it appears to be like cool, and in addition that when it rains you’re taking loads of highway spray, which is a quirk it shares with the Y-Foil. The truth is, in case you grafted the entrance finish of a Colnago Bititan to the rear finish of a Y-Foil you’d have probably the most rider-moisteningest bicycle ever in velocipedal historical past:

And sure, proving as soon as once more there’s no thought in biking that doesn’t come again ultimately, Issue Bikes provides a break up downtube–or at the very least they did till a couple of years in the past:

Sadly, you’ll most likely by no means see a break up downtube on a gravel bike, since not solely would you be pelted with very small rocks…

…however you’d additionally haven’t any place to stow all of your groveling graveling equipment:

What you’re there may be the glove compartment on the brand new Mondraker Arid Carbon:

You’ve obtained to really feel for firms like Moonraker, who on this overheated gravel market are simply preventing for scraps. For one factor, all the great desert-themed mannequin names have been taken, so that they needed to accept “Arid,” which does nothing to encourage pleasure and simply provides you dry mouth. All of the bullshit proprietary bike-building course of names have additionally been taken, so Mandrake have needed to accept “Stealth Carbon,” which implies that “every tube is optimized to do a particular job:”

Genius! No different bike has ever used tubes to do a particular job earlier than. That’s why you’ll typically see frames with tubes that simply stick out randomly in all instructions, connected to nothing, rolling round within the desert like porcupines.

Too dangerous Trek beat them to it by a superb 30 or so years with their revolutionary “Operate Particular Design,” nonetheless the perfect meaningless proprietary design time period ever created:

Then Cannondale countered with The Energy Pyramid, which was the precise reverse of the break up downtube, whereas ostensibly yielding the identical end result:

Although it at all times appeared bizarre to name a tube a pyramid. How can one thing spherical be a pyramid? It was actually way more of a cotton sweet cone:

However sure, definitely the ’90s and the early aughts have been the golden age of creating up important-sounding names for mundane elements of the body. Take into account the Look 566, which I reviewed means again in 2009:

It had F2D up entrance, and STSC out again!

Twisted idea certainly.

I believe it’s about time Rivendell obtained in on the act and began labeling their bikes with all types of proprietary terminology. “Lugs?” That simply sounds heavy and ponderous. Why not name them “Anti-Torsional Tube Receptacles?”

Now that’s thrilling!

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